Jen’s Journey: Part 1

Since I grew up in church, I thought I understood who I was. I had it wrong.

I was in my thirties before I recognized just how much I misunderstood about my identity. Even though I’d ‘been a Christian’ since age five, my life was an utter mess. Then after six months of counseling, I again made the assumption I’d figured it all out.

Everything seemed normal. Good, in fact. I experienced no major trauma, no major issues in my childhood.

So why did my life feel anything but full and abundant? Why was my marriage failing? Why couldn’t I seem to succeed as a novelist?

Shame, insecurity and self-sabotage ruled my life. And I was completely oblivious. Crushed under the weight of the lies, labels and limitations that formed strongholds in my head, it’s no wonder I had no idea who I was or how to thrive!

But finally, God began to expose the truth of my condition. I gradually became aware of extent of the baggage I carried.

He pointed out my wrong thinking.

He revealed my brokenness.

And He offered me hope, a way out of the pit.

I’m just Jen. No fancy title, degree or credentials. No prestigious education or training. I’ve simply been on a journey for over a decade, one of intimacy and healing with Jesus.

Let me tell you how He set me free!

Adult acne is the worst. I tried topical treatments as well as medications, all of which did help some, but I didn’t want to just manage a health condition. I wanted to be rid of it altogether.

Asking for God to heal me never crossed my mind. I figured this was just my lot in life.

But God healed me anyway.

Not long after securing a publishing contract for a series of novels in the Old West (out of print), my agent randomly recommended a book written by one of his other clients. I can’t recall the title, but it was basically about this author recovering her true identity, and how God healed her after a horrific divorce. Though the story of how she moved forward inspired me, I didn’t really relate to much of the content.

What astounded me was when she said she spent a year reading Psalm 139 over and over.

A full year.

In case you’re not familiar with this passage in the Bible, it contains a lot of detail about how God made us and how special we are to Him. How every person has been fearfully and wonderfully made, how our days are written in a scroll, things like that. All heartwarming truths we hear a lot in church.

So if a pastor’s wife and prominent leader in women’s ministry struggled to understand her identity in Christ, what made me think I had it figured out? Why did it take a year of meditating on one chapter to fully understand herself?

Curious about my own growth and discouraged by my own lack of contentment with life, I began to dig. I honestly can’t recall all the books I read or teachings I researched. I studied what it means to be a child of God, trying to step away from a religious mindset and look at this topic with fresh eyes.

And I read through Psalm 139 several times.

Over the next few years, I discovered a lot of wrong thoughts and negative beliefs about who I thought I was.

As I renewed my mind, God began to tell me who I really am, not just from scripture, but in life. I’m a wife. Mom. Author. Teacher. And so much more.

By the end of that time frame, the acne disappeared.

I recall marveling at the smooth skin on my face in the mirror one morning, shocked I hadn’t seen a blemish in weeks.

God told me “That’s because you’re finally beginning to understand and embrace who you are.”

To be clear, this is not an attempt to declare all acne issues are caused by poor self-esteem. I’m simply sharing what God did for me. In my case, there was a direct link between how I viewed myself and my skin condition.

What we think and speak over ourselves can directly affect our physical bodies.

For nearly twenty years, I suffered with adult acne because I didn’t understand how my brain works.

I had no idea my thoughts were so toxic, nor how much they were hurting me.

And I’ve seen so many of God’s daughters suffering as well. We may have saved souls, we may get to go to Heaven, but we are still living in bondage while we’re on earth. And we’re oblivious.

God wants more for us.

My hope is through this blog, podcast, courses and coaching, I can educate, empower and encourage women to break free of the chains keeping them from being the beautiful, powerful influencers God designed them to be!

Read more of Jennifer’s testimony!